I Was Complacent And God Let Me Know It.

Definition:
com·pla·cent (km-plsnt) adj.
1. Contented to a fault; self-satisfied and unconcerned: He had become complacent after years of success.

Since as long as I can remember, I have been a Christian. Growing up, I never knew any differently. I did stray in my early 20's, but I did come back...and stronger. Then I got complacent and that's where I really let God down. Sure, I was going to church, reading my Bible, attending Bible studies, and wearing my little cross necklace proudly. But beyond that, I wasn't much more. Of course, I'd pray from time to time. Sometimes, my prayers would start like this, "Lord, forgive me for forgetting to pray the past few days..." That usually took place when my head was hitting the pillow at night, and somewhere in the middle of my prayer I would fall asleep!

With all that said, it's no surprise that when trial came, I would fall to my knees and cry out to God desperately. "Please, God, please! Make the pain stop!" Let me tell you, that's not very effective faith. In fact, it's down right shameful and it's not even really faith at all.

This past year has been an incredible journey of growth. Our business and personal investments have taken a SERIOUS hit. It was well deserved for us. We learned how incredibly disobedient we had become in our complacency. It's also very humbling when you realize you are letting others down; people that are counting on you, not to mention God.

In addition to being complacent, I also very disbelieving of God. Even after we realize how we had disappointed God and repented, I still had a hard time believing that He would bless us. Correction: I had a hard time believing that He WAS blessing us. It was right under my nose! Thankfully, I have a husband that never gave up on me. Many times, he would guide me through my weakness and encouragement me. It would make me feel better for a while and things would seem okay, even in the midst of our struggles, but then more bad news would come and I would be right back where I was. I was miserable so much of the time. Finally, Robin helped me realize that I just wasn't allowing God to control the situation. I wasn't fully giving it over to Him, letting Him take the burden, and then most importantly, trusting Him. I had to give myself over to the Spirit of God and just let Him be the glorious Deliverer that He is. A new prayer took place not too long ago and it went something like this:
Heavenly Father, I can't do this on my own. I don't want to this on my own! I want You to take control of my life. I am choosing to trust You now. I know You want good things for me. I know You love me. I need the Holy Spirit working in me instead of trying to do it myself.
This has become a daily prayer for me, because each day is new and with that, I know God will lead me through it. There is such freedom in know that His plan is already in action and it is always a good plan.