Saturday, November 5, 2011

It's Been Two Years...

I remember the day vividly…my brother called in the morning, but I missed his call. I knew what he was going to tell me. I decided I would call him back when I had a chance to be alone. When I finally did, I heard him say, "Mom died this morning." I don't know what pain was harder at the moment; the fact that my mom was gone or that my brother had the difficult job of telling me the news. Either way, it was a pain I will never forget. Although the hurt of losing a loved one is not the work of God Himself, the healing sure is. I suppose I cling to that pain a little by choice. It reminds me of how far I have come. It marks a major milestone in my life, my faith, and my need for the Savior.

Even though my mom has been gone for two years now, I can honestly say that God has blessed me like never before. It wasn't His choice to bless me more because of that painful event, but rather my choice to turn to Him and trust Him. As a result, I have seen His grace and mercy over my life in such a new and wonderful way.

How has God blessed me in the past two years? Well, take a look at the journal entry I wrote on the day my mom passed away:

Dear Heavenly Father,

You took my mother home today. I prayed that you wouldn't, I prayed that you would give me more time with her. I prayed that we would have another chance to start over. You knew how my heart ached to hug her and tell her I loved her. You knew how much I wanted to bless her with knowing her grandson. But you still took her and all I can hope for now is that you will come for all the rest of us. I pray, Lord, that you will take my whole family home. I spent the past 3 1/2 years praying for her, now what do I do with that? That was a prayer that feels very unanswered to me right now. I'm sorry, Lord, but I just don't know why you had to take her so soon. What do I know? Not much, I don't know much of anything about her life in Mexico. I want so much to believe it was a happy one for her, but if she was so happy, why couldn't she share that with me? Jesus, all I can pray for now is that you bless her soul in Heaven. I want to be with her there some day.

Wow! I really did not know God as well as I thought I did. I accused Him of my mother's death! He didn't kill her. Glory to God, He was her Savior! In the past two years I have learn how the enemy, Satan, comes to "steal, kill, and destroy" (John 10:10), but we who believe in Christ will overcome the world, just as Christ did Himself (John 16:33). God is GOOD, and His Word is true, and He keeps His promises of eternal life. That alone gives me the encouragement to seek and know the Lord even more...daily. His Word has come alive in my life!

One thing I will never understand is how a person can go through the trial of losing a loved one without relying on Jesus. I know I couldn't. He makes all the difference. Scripture tells us we will have hardships here on earth, but if we believe in Him, we will overcome them…and walk in Paradise WITH Him someday!