Tuesday, January 12, 2010

What death is teaching me.

I have this picture of my mother on the wallpaper of my Blackberry. It is the last picture that was taken of her before she passed away. Every time I look at it, which is about 20 times a day, a little sting hits me inside and I am reminded that she really is gone. I keep hoping that this sting will fade, but it hasn't yet...and with that, I cannot bear to change the picture to something else.

I am starting to learn how valuable that picture can be in helping me with my (ever growing) faith in God. Along with those stinging moments, are the ones where I actually break down in a tearful rant and ask God the simple question, "why?" I usually find myself locked in the bathroom, safely away from my little ones who need to see Mommy strong. But during those moments, something is beginning to materialize in my mind. I can't change the fact that my mother is gone, but I can use those moments to remind myself of the opportunities I have with the rest of my family. I'm starting to let it be a reminder to me that these loved ones in my life are very precious. Not one single person on this earth knows for sure how long they or their loved ones will live. I realize that is a startling statement, but it should be. It is a wake-up call...make the most of what you have. You do not know how long you will have it.

If you have lost someone close to you, you know that feeling. The one that hits you suddenly, out of the blue, and reminds you of the finality of your loved one's passing. I can only describe it like a sucker punch to the stomach. You feel it deep inside and it takes your breath away. Next time you find yourself having one of those moments, use it to remember what you do still have...and act of it. Hug your spouse, take your child's face in your hands and say "I love you", or call someone up that you care about and just say "hi".

Remember, you only have today.