Sunday, December 4, 2016

Sometimes life does not go as planned.

I've been meaning to write this for a while, but life gets in the way. And now I'm forced into putting all that day to day stuff aside.  So here I am...34 weeks pregnant and on hospital bed rest, awaiting the birth of our FIFTH child.  I wasn't planning for my water t break a few days ago, but it did.

As I was saying, life doesn't always go as "planned". I wasn't planning on being a new mom again, while many of my friends are moving into the grandparents' stage. And, I certainly wasn't planning on being a "high-risk" patient, diagnosed with gestational diabetes and preparing for a baby to be sent straight to the NICU. 

I am a planner.  THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN! My daughter had her first swim meet this weekend, my husband needed to go on a business trip, I don't even know if there's food in the house! I didn't finish my "thank you" cards for all those precious ladies who blessed me with a baby shower. And I haven't even begun to prepare for baby! I didn't wash all the windows or shampoo the carpet, I didn't go room to room cleaning out junk and organizing (I realize this all sounds like the thoughts of a crazy person - but these are my crazy thoughts...) Suddenly, my family is left to fend for themselves, I'm strapped to a bed with tubes and wires, and I have no plan....

That's the vulnerable reality.  I've lost control over the situation.  And boy, do I like to be in control! But, as I am being viciously reminded, that's a downfall. And that's where faith needs to take over. There is a plan...and it's Christ's; to rely on His power, His promises, and His peace...and that's all that really matters. Everything else will come together. In fact, it already is. Amazing friends and family have come to the rescue (He is using them - and at the same time, reminding me that I don't have to do it all).  My little family is coming together as a team and pulling through. Yeah, it's uncomfortable for them, but they're doing it. And me...I'm here to decide if I will let my fears and worries take control, or will I sit back (I'm doing a lot of sitting) and just trust Christ, and appreciate the tender beauty that comes from all of this. 

As I write this, I look out the window to see snow gently falling. Christmas music flows through my headphones. It is a time of peace, not chaos.  It is my Savior's reminder that He is here to take over.  

And so I will let Him do just that. 

Tomorrow I will be induced. We will meet our baby girl. We will rejoice in the beauty of life; this gift of God...this early Christmas gift (who we still need to name!!!).

My one and only "bump" photo.

Forced relaxtion. I couldn't help but think of those photos people take of their feet when they're on vacation, with a pool or beach in the background. Well, here's my little "paradise"...puffy feet and these things on my legs to keep me from getting blood clots.

At least someone's happy to get popsicles!

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